The Secret Message Behind Apathy
A few years into my PhD program I started to lose sight of why any of it mattered. I struggled with staying productive in my data analysis and writing, and chalked it up to the fact that either I was just being lazy or my research wasn’t as important to me as I once thought it was.
And now in this current situation, with the monotony and stress of trying to be productive from home, some of those same feelings have crept back in. Maybe you can relate.
Fortunately back in grad school I stumbled across a free workshop about staying motivated while writing a dissertation, and I learned something extremely valuable about apathy that I wanted to share with you today.
While there are times when you’ll feel highly motivated and driven, apathy is the natural state of things. But apathy doesn’t usually mean what you think it means.
When you just can’t find the energy to pursue a goal, you might just criticize yourself as lazy. Or if you can’t get around to finishing a project, you might conclude that maybe you just don’t care that much about it. But in fact a lack of motivation usually means that you care too much about too many things.
Human motivations are complex. We want lots of different things. And at any one time we have multiple – often competing – goals. When our goals pull us in every which way, we lose the energy and motivation to pursue any particular one of them, even if it’s important.
As a neuroscientist I like to frame it in terms of the brain. You have all these different brain circuits pulling you in different directions – and you’re stuck somewhere in the middle trying to balance them all.
For example, your prefrontal cortex is engaged in numerous long-term goals that you can’t accomplish all at once. You want to write that novel you’ve been kicking around for years, but you also want to learn Spanish, and you can’t do both during your kid’s afternoon nap. At the same time your amygdala is worried about keeping you safe during a worldwide pandemic, so it might take a little more work getting your stress response under control. Meanwhile your nucleus accumbens just wants to sit on the couch and binge-watch Netflix and … oh wait, is that a fun size Twix bar from Halloween in the back of the desk drawer? Is that still good? But never mind that, you’re also trying to get work done to boost dopamine, and maybe find time to chat with old friends to get a dose of oxytocin.
I want to play with my kids, and buy groceries, and do the dishes, and write blog posts. And I also want to NOT do those things and just scan Instagram or eat all the cookies my wife just baked.
You’ve got so many different needs and desires. And guess what? Getting mad at yourself for that isn’t going to help anything. Just work a little more on finding the right balance between productivity and relaxation. Stop trying to be productive all the time.
The problem for most people is that when they’re working they’re wishing they could be relaxing and having fun. And when they’re relaxing and having fun, they feel guilty that they didn’t get more work done. That just results in half-ass working and half-ass relaxing. And when you only half-ass relax you don’t feel energized to start doing work.
Instead, full-ass work then full-ass relax … (Yes, that’s the scientific terminology). Pick one thing to focus on at a time, whether it’s work or play. Then pick another thing. Whatever you’re doing, just do it fully.
Even when writing this article I encountered this problem. I had so many ideas, but I couldn’t write them all at once. And I also couldn’t write while doing data analysis, or talking to clients, or a dozen other important things. And I couldn’t do any of those things while scrolling through the news and checking on my stock portfolio. One thing at a time.
When you are working, don’t check your phone or email or watch TV. Just work. And make sure to schedule in frequent breaks, where you don’t work and instead do something fun and relaxing. Take a few longer breaks throughout the day, like for lunch. And most importantly, make sure there’s an end to the workday so that you can just relax and enjoy your life.
When you’re stuck at home it’s easy to lose the divide between work and play. But just like tacos and ice cream, which are each great on their own, they’re not great blended together.
Honor all the different needs and desires of your various brain circuits, and learn to live your life fully, one moment at a time. In fact, that’s one of the primary goals of my upcoming course: The Upward Spiral Core Program. Registration hasn’t opened yet, but if you don’t want to miss out on updates, leave your email here:
